I Booked the Trip Anyway

Even though I’m unemployed.

Even though my husband had a stroke and we’re still navigating our new normal.

Even though I didn’t know if it was the “right” thing to do.

Even though the immigrant in me panicked a little—

What if we can’t come back? What if something goes wrong?

I booked it anyway.

Because I’m tired.

Tired of living like joy needs to be earned.

Tired of surviving.

Tired of matching other people’s energy when I barely have enough to make it through the day.

There’s this quiet kind of exhaustion that lives in my bones.

The kind you don’t post about.

The kind that builds up in your joints and your spirit after years of holding it all together.

And somewhere in the middle of caretaking, cooking, cleaning, budgeting, surviving…

I realized I was losing parts of myself I didn't know I was allowed to miss.

---

This isn’t just a cruise.

It’s a pause button for my nervous system.

It’s a hand extended to my inner child, saying: Come on. Let’s breathe. Let’s float for a while. Let’s remember softness again.

---

I’m not packing essential oils or crystals.

I’m packing comfortable clothes and stretch pants and maybe a book I probably won’t finish.

I’m not bringing my best version—I’m bringing the real one.

The tired, messy, weepy, hopeful one who just needs a break.

---

I know what people might think: “That’s not responsible.”

“That’s too risky.”

“Now is not the time.”

But what if now is the time?

What if there will always be a reason to delay joy until later?

What if later never comes?

---

I booked the trip anyway.

Because life is fragile.

Because love asks for restoration.

Because caregiving doesn’t mean I don’t get to heal too.

Because maybe the most responsible thing I can do

is teach my children—and my inner child—

that joy is sacred.

That I am sacred.

Even now.

Even in the mess.

Especially in the mess.

Before You Go... A Question for Your Soul

If you’ve ever felt torn between being “responsible” and giving yourself space to breathe...

> What would it look like to give yourself permission to rest, even if the world says “not yet”?

Take a moment. Download this free printable journal card I made from this post. Light a candle, press your hand to your chest, and write:

“What am I ready to claim, even in the chaos?”